The following is
supposedly an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that
the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off
heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it
expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at
which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at
which they are leaving. I think that we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's
look at the different Religions that exist in
the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion,
you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than
the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the
temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than
the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold
day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
frozen over. The corollary of this theory is
that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that
it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
"Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
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